Today was fucking hard, wasn’t it? In fact, no, these last few weeks have been hard as sun-dried dog shit. You’ve had everything thrown at you by your own demons, and other people’s egos have come along for the ride.
Give yourself credit for breathing, for living through the dark days, for being fucking brave enough to carry on, even when it feels like you don’t want to. You downplay how much of an achievement merely breathing can be when those horrors have you by the hair and are making you want to tear off your own face.
YOU STILL DO IT
And that’s the important bit.
What has happened in the past is not your fault. You are not responsible for the irresponsible actions of others, and, fuck it, sometimes it’s fun to be a bit irresponsible yourself.
You are young and creative and smart and can do anything you want and those who tell you otherwise? Meh, they have their own shit they need to deal with.
It’s OK to feel like you can’t. We all feel like we can’t sometimes. So don’t. That’s OK too. It’s OK not to be normal because normal is transient. It exists for a moment before individuality kicks in, then you become a deviation and deviations matter just as much as the normal. They give a baseline for the normal. It’s the same as not being able to have happy without sad. You need variation and a difference.
Life isn’t being kind or fair and it’s about breathing through those moments (or crying, Whatevs. Big ugly, gut-wrenching sobs have got me through some tough times) and coming out the other side with people who are there to catch you when you need it, give you space when you’re going for it and find you help when you don’t want to ask for it.
So, you, don’t be afraid to be who you are right now, because you’re you and underneath the pain and heartache that overwhelms you sometimes is a beautiful soul who loves hard, plays hard and can do anything she damn well wants to.
Love always x