Weirdly enough in this, the Year of Saying Yes to Stupid Shit, I’ve also ended up doing a lot of hard shit.
Turns out stupid shit is quite hard.
At the weekend, I made a submission of two poems to a poetry competition. The last time I submitted anything was to the Mslexia novel competition in 2013. I spent £50 and got nowhere. I was so disheartened, I secretly vowed I would never do it again.
This time I don’t expect anything from the submission – the act of submitting was its own reward. I was (and still am) so proud of myself for actually pulling my head out of my own arse and laying myself out there a bit. I’m ready for a bit of attention – more positive than negative – and I have (somehow; I’m REALLY fucking lucky) acquired a bunch of REALLY lovely and supportive people. These are people who sometimes look at me and go “Well, you’re bloody stupid, but you’re doing it, so I’m here for you.” which is more than I could ever have asked for.
Who would have thought a girl like me who barely scraped through college intact would be doing all the incredible (but extremely emotionally and physically draining) things she’s doing now?
When I look back at the year as a whole, as I did after yet another encouraging and extremely raw and honest message from a friend, I realise that actually, I’ve done some massive things this year. Not only did I change my life and that of my family by landing a new job, I’ve created friendships in the most unlikely of places and now started submitting again.
There’s something here that says I probably shouldn’t be attempting NaNoWriMo on top of all the shit I already have, and that something is probably right. However, there seems to be a few people in my real life trying it for the first time that I would feel extremely left out if I didn’t at least give it a bash.
Difficult deed? Jump in.