What I’m writing – ResuRection

PPK’s song, ResuRection, was in the charts when I was in my late teens/early twenties (don’t go looking up the year) and I was going through a tough time. I was trying to get my head around what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, as well as simultaneously trying to end my life and that’s one hell of a contradiction for someone who was already on all the medication a doctor could throw at her.

I remember hearing the tune and going home to play it on our piano. My brain was then satisfied I would never lose how it sounded and I was safe to enjoy it by obsessively listening to it on repeat after I’d taped it off the radio (probably.)

The fact that it came on tonight while I’m trying to write a coherent blog post only served to concrete the need I have to resurrect my writing. If I believed in such things, I would say it was an omen. The beginning of something grand, the SIGN THAT I HAVE BEEN MISSING… or spotify has been using my listening history to produce an accurate musical representation of my personality.

My head space has been limited and I don’t feel like I have a lot to say. Well, I have a lot to say, but how much of what I have to say you’ll find relevant is something different, isn’t it? So I don’t post it. Because I had the FINGER FEAR… OK, I should probably find another phrase to describe that and never call it finger fear ever again. It’s that feeling you get when you realise that your blog, that thing you put on the web so that EVERY ONE CAN SEE IT is being seen by EVERYONE.

And everyone includes your mum, your dad, your dog, your cat, your gran who fucking HATES profanity, your boss, other work type people, people you may or may not have “liked”, people who will post excerpts back to you in private chat sessions while you’re trying to work…

Yep, everyone.

And that gets fucking scary. Scary enough to make it all stop happening. Kinda like this.

Anyway, that’s kind of what I had for a bit. I was trying so hard with limited brain space to be a proper grown up type person and be all responsible then it all got a bit much and I realised I’m just ME. I like blogging. I like writing shitty novels. I like doing NaNoWriMo challenges. I like to do something that isn’t work to relax.

That’s not insane. That’s incredibly not insane, actually. That’s how normal human beings function normally.

So, with that in mind (and after a bit of encouragement from someone…) I’m going to do NaNoWriMo and resurrect my writing.

8 thoughts on “What I’m writing – ResuRection

    1. No, thank goodness. She would hate the swearing. She once disowned my Granddad for a week for dropping the f-bomb at a football match (he was coaching).
      Sometimes blogging just feels right πŸ™‚

  1. I’m with you on the ‘incredibly not insane’. And of course – keep writing, keep blogging, keep getting your words out there! Glad you’re back! Happy nano-ing! xxx

  2. Brilliant post Chrissie. So glad to have you back! I had copied “…or spotify has been using my listening history to produce an accurate musical representation of my personality.” to say that this made me laugh out loud (enough to type it out in FULL) but then so many more quotables made me laugh that I’d have pasted the whole blog. I mean… FINGER FEAR! I get that, I have it too (but not, um…!). Anyway!! Good luck with Nano and have fun! πŸ™‚ x

  3. It is amazing how a song, a smell can transport one back to a different space & time in a split second. It sounds like this wasn’t an easy period for you and so hope you are ok with it all. My thing is cigarette smoke. So rarely encountered these days, catching an unexpected lung full from a stranger transports me straight back to my largely happy 80s childhood and cloud filled rooms full of family and cheer. I think Nigel Slater had the same with toast! You communicate this experience of shape shifting well & so hopefully you can utilise similar words to evoke a sense of atmosphere in your fiction writing. I can also relate to your views on self censorship. Very few real people in my life know that I blog, however some family members do, meaning a degree of poetic licence is required in some of my more introspective venting sessions!! Thanks for sharing this part of you!

  4. So glad to hear that you’re resurrecting your writing. Absolutely go for it! (And I’m also sorry to hear that your late teens and early twenties were tough.)
    Sending hugs and lots of encouragement for your creative writing, which is such a healing wonderful thing. πŸ™‚

  5. Sooo identify with this – both the troubled youth bit and the ‘finger fear’ πŸ˜‰ I think ultimately you’ve just got to be honest with yourself about what makes you happy and do it. Easy, right? I hope NaNo’s going well – I’m sure I’ll find out when I read this week’s post, but as you can see I’m running about a week behind schedule! Ho hum… X

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