When you’re all fucking crazy

I’m in bed. I’m not sleeping – obviously.

Nope, it’s 11pm on a “school night” (like that means anything any more. I run on 4 hours sleep most nights.) and I’m rocking out on the bed to some chilled drum and bass like I don’t have a care in the world.

And, the best bit is a lot of my friends recognise this state of affairs.

See, we’re all in this together. We’re all the disillusioned, progressive, entitled and privileged generation. The generation who grew up with the computers, who owned the first consoles, who remember 8-bit music when it was the only type of game music there was. We’ve been through 4 generations of Playstation, we’ve seen Nintendo go from strength to strength, we’ve seen PCs appear in every home, we still remember the sound of the 56K modem dialing up and how you used to have to stop using the internet when someone wanted to make a phone call. We remember how to use faxes, and when black and white was the only photocopying option. We remember the green screen of the Gameboy, and how you had to purchase accessories for it to make it light up, and how the only way to play 2 player was to use a link cable.

We remember techno in its infancy, and when crimping your hair was cool. We remember big TVs in every home that would make a high-pitched screech when you turned them on (if you were unlucky enough to be sensitive to CRTs), we remember Acorn and RISC OS being the choice of operating system in schools, with their three button mice and midi soundcards.

We remember VCRs and the mini disk. We remember it all moving so fast.

And now we have always on, always connected, no wire internet in our homes. We’re overloaded with options, with opinion, with information. We know everything and nothing. We hold each other invisibly and sob together as we watch the world we’ve grown up in tear itself apart, and our leaders get scared and jump ship. We worry about our future, and the future of our children, our nieces and nephews. We talk late into the night, but don’t use words. We communicate in song, in links and memes.

We function on no sleep, driven by money in middle management jobs, fuelled by caffeine and sugar. We search for highs in the little things – music, love, sex, drugs, technology.

And nothing quite hits the spot. Moments of euphoria are fleeting, painful, both too few and too extreme.

We can be happy, but we’re always held by the continual state of anxiety.

What can I do to change things? What can I do? What should I do?

Everything

Nothing.

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